


Asgore's Journal

by Skyriazeth



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6892954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyriazeth/pseuds/Skyriazeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Page after page , the entries were all the same, bearing the words " It's a nice day today!"</p><p>Was it always the same?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there sweethearts! 
> 
> I'm new to uhm, uploading on AO3!  
> Not sure how tags exactly work, but I will add them as I go!
> 
> This is for an AU I'm working on, EchoedDreams!  
> Yes, I know there is a bunch of AUs already, but I had too many ideas to let it just stay--
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little peak into Asgore's mind.  
> It'll only go downhill mostly from here.
> 
> Links to more information at the end.

**Journal entry I :**

It’s a lovely day today. Birds are singing, Flowers are blooming. 

Yet…

My two precious children died today. 

The human child—Chara had fell ill and was dying. They wanted to be buried under a bed of golden flowers on the surface. That was their last wish. And I had known that my son, Asriel would have seen to it be fulfilled. They had become the best of friends since that day. And golly gee, quite frankly, it all seemed to just past by too quick. The sweet memories. Their joyful laughter. 

I can still remember Asriel’s excited face when first meeting the fallen human. Oh, how sweet it was. Very eager to help them out too might I add. Chara was the first among humans to have fallen down after we were sealed away. It came to me as a shock that they had ended up here; it seemed to be by accident. But we welcomed them with open arms nonetheless, with Asriel happily telling them about all the wonders of the underground every step of the way. I sensed no evil in them. They had look lost at the time, confused. Asriel did not rest in trying to reassure them that everything was alright. It warmed my heart seeing some parts of me inside of him. My son being as kind and gentle as me…I knew he would have become a great king in the far future. A future I hoped so dearly as of right now could be true…

Tori, well, she was just as excited as Asriel was when we bought the human back Home. Her beautiful, gentle smile as she invited them into our loving family.

Tori and I had cared for them as if they were our own child. We would sit in the living room, telling old stories…eating butterscotch pie. We were a happy family. Chara was like a child we always had.

The monsters were filled with hope again—the hopes of being free once more, that Chara will be the human that ended our captivity. That they are the angel from above that will save us all.  
But the humans…

They took all of that away.

Our happiness… the things I held dear. 

What had I do to deserve this all?

They took the life of my son away, along with the human child. I was heartbroken to have seen him so hurt, still clutching Chara’s lifeless body tightly in their arms. He cared about them so much. Sometimes I secretly wish that the human never fell down here. Then none of this would have happen. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t love Chara as much as my own son. 

“I’m so sorry, dad and mom… I was weak…” was his last words. He…he was everything but weak. He had always been brave and strong in my eyes. I wished I could have reached out to him and told him that. But it was too late. 

Asriel’s dust was spread across the garden as he took his final breath.   
Tori had dropped onto the ground, sobbing and shaking in fear. I didn’t know what to do. I was as devastated as she was. The only thing I could do was hold her tight and comfort her. She’s doing a little bit better now. I’m not sure how both of us are going to cope with this. …but I know we’ll get through this. Together.

We took Chara’s body and laid it in a coffin. Tori was still crying as we did. 

I kept the key necklace that remained after Asriel had turned into dust. It was the key to the locket that Chara held. Both of those were the symbol of their everlasting friendship. It pained me to see this, that they had to die in such a way.

I’m worried about how the whole underground will take this. Everyone’s hope would be shattered. I don’t know if I can carry the responsibility after all this happened. I don’t know what I should do. This happened all so sudden and I’m not sure I can bear the agony of this loss. It just hurts all too much. I feel myself slipping into despair, hoping all of this is just a terrible nightmare.

But it wasn’t.

I wish I could run away from all this. I want to leave behind all these responsibilities. I don’t want to do this. I really don’t. 

No.

I am their king.

I have to do this.

I have to know what to do.

I can’t afford to show weakness.

Everybody’s relying on my strength.

As a king’s duty, I must be strong.

For my people.

For Chara.

...

 

For Asriel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Journal Entry II :**

It’s a nice day today. The flowers are still in bloom as the birds can tell.

I … Iost my wife today.

The day after Asriel died…

The day that the underground found out about our children’s death…they were entirely devoid of hope. The humans-- they were the cause of all this despair. I had to act. I had to do something about it. The monsters looked so dreaded, and I couldn’t simply stand seeing my people this way.  
Struck with anger, I only wanted to get my revenge on the humans. I couldn’t take it anymore… at the time I wasn’t willing to let the humans get away with the suffering they had caused us. So, in a fit of rage, I declared a war with the humans. I said that I would destroy any human that came here. I would take their souls, and become godlike. And then, I would finally free us from this terrible prison that they have sealed us in. Everyone would be finally free. I would destroy humanity, and let monsters ruled the surface, in peace. Isn’t this what everyone had wanted?

To be free?

In time, the people’s hope did return. But Toriel…

She…was disgusted with the decision I made. She left me on my own and ventured to somewhere no one could ever find her. Too late did I realize that what I said can’t be undone. I have to carry on this duty that I have given myself. There was no way I could turn back.

I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me for this.

I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for this.

The blood that will soon be spilled on my hands, are all for the sake of my people. All the sins that I would have to commit. Why did I make such a rash decision then? How could I have let this happen? Why couldn’t …

It doesn’t matter now.

It’s done. My children are gone, along with my wife. I wish that such a terrible fate hadn’t befallen on me. I just feel so empty inside, as if they had taken pieces of me when they left me.  
I just want them back—please. I don’t want to be alone, with no one to love…

I want her by my side again, her gracious, gentle smile, constantly supporting me. Something I know I will never get to see once more.

All I can do now is wait as the humans come. I can’t bear to take away my people’s hope. 

Maybe there’s an alternative way to this. That the power of a human soul can be recreated instead—I truly do not wish to hurt innocent lives. I wish and hope dearly that there’s another way. I will have to consult Dr. Gaster about this soon.

I’m tired. Being a King really isn’t easy, more so without Toriel. Golly , Toriel…

I already miss you so much.

I miss the warm family we used to have.

I could still hear you sweet laughter echo through the throne room.

I’m so overwhelmed by all the loss. I need you by my side to overcome this.

I’m so sorry.

Toriel…

Please…  
Forgive me for all that I’m about to do.

I know you won’t allow me into your dreams anymore but please…

Could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?

I dream…

That one day,

we’ll see each other again

and you do.


	3. Entry III

Journal Entry III:

It’s a nice day today. Perfect weather to be playing catch outside.

For some reason, I feel very oddly unsure about this. I confronted Gaster about finding another way to break the barrier. He told me he’ll start researching as soon as he can. He wants a human soul to experiment with for this. My heart sank when I heard it. I know that a human is bound to fall down here, and I can’t avoid this. But at least if I do hand him a human soul, maybe there’s hope that I wouldn’t need to take any more human lives than necessary. Just the thought of it hurts. He tried reassuring me if all goes well, he won’t need more than two. I terrible hope that’s true. I trust Doctor Gaster—he’s a brilliant scientist and a good friend, who thus far has never failed me before. 

I’m counting on you, Gaster ol’ friend.

It’s been a few days since Tori left.▯̋͒̌̏̉̈́͐͗̄͏̷̛͈́▯̵̱̖̬̰͔̄́ͩ̅̓̾ͬ̐ͬ̈́́̍͒ͫ̎ͦͫ́͟͞▯̧̧̨̼͚ͤͣ͑̎ͬͦͭͨ̽̋͞▯̵̱̜͈͑͐̽̂ͨ̋̊́̏̓͒ͭ̅͜͠͠▯̸̧̛̛̠̎̾̉ͨ͆̌ͦͧͨ̈̅ͫ▯̧̬̻̬̖ͭ̓ͪ̅ͮͤ̎ͪ͑ͣͭ͐ͩ̆̇̔̎̈́̀͠▯̨̟̪͍̦ͤ͛̔̃ͬͪ̂ͣͬͩ̊͡▯̴̯̐͆̃̋ͫ͗̀̍͐́ͯ̂̀ͭͥ͢͝ has been really helping me out. The times where I simply couldn’t face the reality of it all he filled in for me for the meanwhile, and organized my meetings. He makes it just a bit easier for me to pull through this. I’d don’t know what I do without him right now. Everything’s just going by so fast, but I’m glad that I have a great friend like him by my side.

He’s been worried sick over me since the incident. He keeps urging me to rest more. I know he means well, but I can’t let him bear such a burden. Not after all he’s done for my sake. He deserves better. I’ve been trying to pretend that I’m alright lately. Just to ease his worry if not a bit. He seems a bit … relaxed now.

Oh…

Golly…

After Tori left, I…

Started wearing my old helmet again. 

It brings back a lot of horrid memories .Of bloodshed. Of despair. Of fear. It feels all too vivid to me. I wish I could have done so much more then. I daren’t take off my helmet. I couldn’t show my people how afraid I was, how lost I was – I couldn’t afford to show weakness in my eyes. I was the king of all monsters, my people looked up to me as the leader they chose to follow. I couldn’t let them down. Back then, it had been easier. I’ve helped monsters settled down underground, with Tori still by my side, supporting me. Despite being driven underground and losing our freedom, I was still complete, and happy.  
But now? I don’t know…  
After Asriel came along, my life had changed. He was the reason I stored away my helmet. So I could let him see what his father truly looked like, and how I would care for him for the rest of my life. I wanted him to know the real me.

And now he’s gone. Along with Tori. 

 

No real reason not to wear it. To serve as a reminder that it was me that had bought this upon myself. I hope it hides my shame as well.

But on the bright side, still a perfect fit!

 

▯̋͒̌̏̉̈́͐͗̄͏̷̛͈̫̯͍̥̦́ͅ▯̵̱̖̬̰̄́ͩ̅̓̾ͬ̐ͬ̈́́̍͒ͫ̎ͦͫ́͟͞▯̧̧̨̼͚̜͔ͤͣ͑̎ͬͦͭͨ̽̋͞▯̵̱̜͑͐̽̂ͨ̋̊́̏̓͒ͭ̅͜͠͠▯̸̧̛̛̠̼͎̦̎̾̉ͨ͆̌ͦͧͨ̈̅ͫ▯̧̬̻ͭ̓ͪ̅ͮͤ̎ͪ͑ͣͭ͐ͩ̆̇̔̎̈́̀͠▯̨̟̪͍̦̼ͤ͛̔̃ͬͪ̂ͣͬͩ̊͡▯̴̯̻̱̐͆̃̋ͫ͗̀̍͐́ͯ̂̀ͭͥ͢͝ though, well he didn’t seem to happy when I started wearing It again. I just tried laughing it off and said it was just for fun. He didn’t believe me. He’s my best friend after all, he definitely knows me well. I was very insistent, so after a few attempts, he finally just accepted it. That’s probably why he’s been acting so worried lately. He’s been even putting aside his guiding sessions to help fill in my duties! I just can’t believe he would put off such an important thing for my sake. I feel that sometimes… he’s just too good to me.  
That makes me unsure if I should tell him or not. He’s already so worried about me, and not to mention looking a bit stressed out. But it’s bothering me so much. Dr Gaster… I made a promise to him that he could use one or two live subjects for his experiments and that concerns me a lot. He confirmed that it was going to be completely safe. Although I trust him, I’m distressed over the well beings of the monsters. I need someone to talk to about this.He might be against this, but he needs to know.

Should I really tell him?

No. There’s no need. I can handle this myself. I know I can. And I fully trust Dr Gaster. That’s all that matters now.

It won’t be long now.

Before another human falls.

I should prepare an establishment to welcome them and guide them to my castle. And they could serve as protection too if the humans were to be…hostile.

I dearly hope they won’t be. 

Golly but at the same time, I hope they would be. Because, as pathetic as it sounds, I would feel less guilt in ending their lives.

I just can’t stand that thought—

I’m so glad Asriel is not present to witness all the unbecoming. 

At least I was a good father in the very last of his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dA : http://skyriazeth.deviantart.com/
> 
> This is where I upload most of my projects, so please do take a visit!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
